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Glick Management Cruise Ship Apologizes to Passengers

Considering the dominance of the Cruise Industry enjoyed by such companies as Carnival, Royal Caribbean and Festival who all have multi-million dollar advertising and promotional budgets, we thought we’d try to give a “leg up” to one of the lesser companies that are now struggling to gain a bit of recognition in the field. The cruise company is "Glick Lines" and its ship the S.S. “Bernice Hockstein”.

Before doing so, however, we have been asked by Glick Management to extend their sincere apologies to all the passengers on the “Hocksteins” maiden voyage. Particularly about the mutiny. This was in no way expected or condoned by the company and they will be doing everything in their power to prevent such occurrences in the future.

They also state that this was in no way the fault of ship’s captain “Blackjack” Lo Bianco and if some of the paying passengers were mistakenly flogged after order had been restored it was simply due to the confusion that ensued.

There is also no truth to the reports that a passenger, Mr. Matthew Miggins, was hung from the yardarm. This would be impossible as the ship has no yardarm. It was done from the railing and, in defense of Captain Lo Bianco, all following the Rules at Sea. If Mr. Miggins had not insisted on “talking back”, none of this would have happened so whose fault was it?

Yes. Food and drink did run out on the second day but even this would not have happened had not some passengers asked for second “helpings”. Even Captain Lo Bianco’s comments to passengers of “What is this? Some kind of damn restaurant?” did little to dissuade them.

The collision with the Japanese fishing trawler "Osaka Maru" was unfortunate as was the subsequent loss of life. Glick executives do admit, however, that Captain Lo Bianco should have offered assistance rather than screaming “Remember Pearl Harbor ” as the trawler and its crew went down.

The announcement of "Abandon Ship" on the loud speakers at 3 AM was meant as a joke. Something to lighten up the tension of the voyage. It was not expected that passengers would panic and all be throwing themselves headlong into the ocean in their underwear. It was only due to quick action by the crew that most of them were rescued.

The outbreak of Cholera was nobody’s fault. Who knew about the cook from Pakistan?

As none of the scheduled island destinations were ever reached, Glick management is now offering a 3% fare discount for the “Hockstein’s” second voyage to those passengers who survived its first. In spite of the bad press and the criminal charges and lawsuits now in progress, Glick promises that the next voyage (to whatever port will accept them) will be a memorable one and wishes to extend its signature greeting “Welcome Aboard” to all the Cruise Lovers out there.

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